Archive for the ‘Royal Wedding’ Tag
In a stunning turn of events, the long anticipated Royal Wedding has been postponed in response to a wedding boycott initiated by Beer Advocate’s Alström Bros.
The Alström Bros demanded a wedding boycott after learning that, gasp, beer would not be served at the Royal Wedding reception. They were particularly appalled at the statement of a Royal Wedding spokesperson: “There won’t be any beer. Let’s face it, it isn’t really an appropriate drink to be serving in the Queen’s presence at such an occasion. It was always their intention to give their guests a sophisticated experience and they have chosen the food and drink with this in mind.”
After much contemplation, Prince William of Wales and Miss Kate Middleton addressed the media directly on the eve of their planned nuptials. “Last night”, Miss Middleton began, “we split a bottle of BrewDog’s Royal Virility Performance and that changed everything. We now see what a life-changing beverage beer can be.”
BrewDog recently sent this viagra-brewed beer to the young couple. Reached for comment, BrewDog acknowledged their shameless publicity stunt, and went on to say they thought everyone knew none of their beers were intended for human consumption. On a related note, Prince William did seek medical attention after having an erection lasting more than 4 hours.
The couple explained that their wedding day would not be complete without a beer-filled reception. Rather than risk losing the TV viewership of the Alström Bros and their snarky disciples, the wedding has been postponed.
William said, “We’re going to do this right. No more wine and champagne. No Westminster Abbey, no more Buckingham Place. We’re throwing down, Late Night Beer Advocate style. No shitty British beer either. I’m talking Pliny the Younger, Westy 12, Dark Lord, Founders Canadian Breakfast Stout. If it’s not on BA’s Top 100, it will not be served. And the location has been moved to the Dogfish Head Brewery in Rehoboth Beach.”
The Alström Bros will be curating all beers, glassware, and serving methods for this unpretentious Royal event. Look for the new date to be announced in early May.